YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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