I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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