At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
