So drunk its hurt
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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