at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
being pregnant is like rehab
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
