My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
