The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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