The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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