dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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