so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
