dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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