You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
