smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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