ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
