this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
