I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
