We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i can't believe i had my finger in that
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
