Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
