His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
