woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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