our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
