Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
