She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
