We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
soo... how was my night?
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