so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
