R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
