i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
