operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
