I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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