1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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