I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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