My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
