We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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