Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
