I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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