The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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