My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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