thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
