You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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