true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
