i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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