I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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