Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
