You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I deserve this hangover.
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