don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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