I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My penis needs a shock collar
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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