so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
