Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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