I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
