I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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