I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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