yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
