Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
