shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
