So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
