Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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