he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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