i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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