he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
