I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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