my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
