Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
