we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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