and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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