Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
