Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think I just sharted jello shots
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