she woke up with a sticky ear
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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