apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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