I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
two words...techno handjob
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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