Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
