I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
