margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
