I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
