This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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